Car Dog Poops: the types and origins of these horrific canine phenomena
Dog poop is no fun to deal with at home, but it’s even more of a nuisance when you’re in the car. No doubt, your dog will pick the key moment when you’re miles away from home to have some form of explosive diarrhea. While the rich aroma fills your vehicle, you may think you have the worst possible luck (or you might wonder if something crawled up inside Spot and died). No worries; you’ve just experienced the first of the notorious Car Dog Poops.
On a slightly lesser scale, the Air Dog Poop is no less toxic or potent when released. Usually silent, often deadly, and terribly embarrassing when you’ve company, these gaseous expulsions require immediate air replacement. Though fun in the sun, rolling down the windows is a great deal trickier in inclement weather (when the worst offences generally occur). Sirius blasted off his first notable air poop when just a wee puppy, causing the vehicle’s occupants to collapse in gagging fits, our eyes tearing up and noses bleeding. The memory still haunts me years later, and is a point of mention when ever those old friends see my pup.
Another common scenario is the Traveling Dog Poop: Spot squats near the side of the road, and guilt ridden, you bag the bounty and place it in your car for disposal. Of course, the smell leaks though the plastic, and your Toyota develops its own musk that takes weeks to dissipate. In exceptional cases, the odor even sinks into your clothing and whenever you enter a room, folks start checking their shoes to see what they stepped in. Don’t worry, it’s just you.
The other frequent offender is the left over dog poop, also called the Forgotten Doggie Bag. Like a good citizen, you have bagged your dog poop and, thinking ahead, toss it in the trunk to keep your car smelling fresh. Your plan succeeds so well that you forget to throw it in the garbage at home, and left to its own devices, the dog poop smell slowly contaminates the uninhabited space. Fortunately, you’ll remember the droppings instantly the next time you open your trunk and are faced with a full-blown olfactory assault.
The most insidious feces is the Invisible Car Poop. You can smell it when you get in, but it doesn’t seem to be emanating from one source. It’s not on your shoe, you didn’t leave a Forgotten Doggie Bag, and Spot isn’t even in the car to produce an air poop. Where can it be coming from? There are several likely suspects: either Spot brushed against you after making his dog poop and you acquired a streak of residual fecal matter somewhere on your clothing, or he performed a similar procedure on the car seat itself. A black light might identify the stain for removal if you’re lucky.
Even more hideous, Spot may have released his anal gland fluids on his last ride. You probably thought it was an air dog poop, but alas, what seemed only a temporary stink has now become smelly companion for the foreseeable future. If you can find the source, you might be able to eradicate it with some heavy duty cleaner. Otherwise, the best advice is constant aeration, or shampooing the seats (or a combination of both).
If you are a dog owner and can’t relate to any of the above, have no fear: you will. Over time you will learn to embrace these car poops and value the real meaning behind them – attaining inner peace against all odds. Should you long to share your particular story, feel free to comment and receive the support of your fellow dog folk.
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July 23rd, 2008 21:34
[…] on the road is a bad idea, especially if you’ve never used the brand before. Diarrhea is less fun in the car than one might imagine, and foul smelling air poops can ruin an otherwise pleasant […]