Words to induce dog poop

Dog poop will always come naturally to canines, but when it’s -10 degrees with a foot of snow falling, it’s useful to have a word or phrase to encourage Spot and remind him of his job. You can use any word for this, no matter the meaning, and Spot will surely begin to associate the word with the task at hand. Still, it might be more helpful to pick something that reminds you of the duty.

Some folks feel embarrassed calling out what might be considered offensive language; I have no qualms about telling my dogs to “go poop.” I used to say “piddle” instead of pee, but I found that saying “piddle” was far stupider than using the layman’s term for urination, so pee it is.

Others prefer a more refined vocabulary. “Make” is common dog poop inducing phrase, but when playing with the word in my mind, I tried to ascertain precisely what it is one wishes the dog to make, and was rightly confused. The dog poop is already there – surely we’re trying to have our pets release the droppings, not create more. “Drop” would certainly be apt, but it may conflict with the command to let go of a ball or toy.

One term I envisioned was “defecate,” but unless one is a duchess standing on the courtyard green with twin Pekingese in tow, it rather sounds like one is putting on airs. Dog poop isn’t quite that sophisticated.

On the other end of the spectrum, “go potty” sounds juvenile. I may call Sirius my “sweetest little snugglesoft,” but he is fully housebroken and private in his toilet habits, so I don’t wish to demean his dog poop manners with an infantile term. The line must be drawn somewhere.

With these considerations in mind, I have devised a list of possible phrases to induce dog poop. None are perfect, but for those who don’t want to stand on the porch shouting about poop, these might suffice.

“Toilet” – somewhat of a misnomer since I don’t know what dog uses one

“Eliminate” - mightily enticing, particular for a Doberman or Rottie, but it’s quite a mouthful (though I hope not literally).

“Squat” – quite descriptive; this pleases me greatly

“Take a break” – what you say at work when you’ve got to go

“Number two” – fairly straightforward, but not as graphic

“Plop” – it’s an onomonapeia!

“Splash” – see above

“Extrude” – yeah, now I’m just teasing

I think I’ll just stick with “go poop.” Let’s face it: after creating the Dog Poop Calendar, it doesn’t phase me. So what about you? What is your phrase or word of choice? Leave a comment and share it with the rest of us.

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This entry was posted on Saturday, July 19th, 2008 at 1:47pm and is filed under Dog Poop Calendar, Dog Poop Stories. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site.